glass of milk

oooh blahblah i can't sleep. get SO fucking sick of hearing people say that. and right now i can't sleep, but i can't complain because i didn't get out of bed till twelve. i also did very little with my day so no wonder i am not tired. so really, i can't say anything because it is entirely my fault. but pity me anyway you judgemental scumbags!

am currently working on a great idea to send to a list of publishers (as well as trying to write short stories and improve my poetry). there is a 100% chance of failure but it's worth it for the *possible* feedback. feedback of course, is very rare. i've had one piece of feedback from all the places i sent poetry to. it was quite good as well- they liked the style, but it lacked discipline. tbh they know what they are talking about much more than i do.

that's another irritating thing. delusions of grandeur. literally the amount of people i've heard go on about how they've started writing some novel or whatever and it's great and this and that and it's gonna get published. FAIL. i much prefer the deadbeat, self deprecating writer. at least then if it happens to them you can be happy for them.

all these things come down to the real deal behind success (other than luck) which is dedication. doesn't matter if you're a great poet, or a great pianist, or a great whatever. if you don't constantly try and improve and spend every free minute pushing and promoting yourself...you know you've got next to know chance at all. so i'm quite fucked.

most people i meet or have met who want to 'make it' in some way or another want it for the wrong reasons. this is good, because here is a secret kid....there are no right reasons. people who do it for artistic growth are just as likely to have a fulfilling career as some cunt who just wants fame or some lazy fail of a human being (ie me and everyone else with sense) who just wants to get paid to do something they love.

kudos to my dad, though. he wrote a novel in his lunch breaks at work and got it published. sure it was at the back end of the top million sellers on amazon, but at least it was in it. so shut the fuck up and write me a story.